I'm not doing any better emotionally without you.
I miss you. I miss holding you. I miss your smile, your jokes, the look in your eyes, the smell of your hair. I miss having the back ground fade into darkness.

However, Im not suited to be in a relationship. I'm too irresponsible.

I'm sorry.

I kinda hope U can see this, I kinda hope you don't.

Whatever it is , it's here.

See how lor.

I am Atheist.

I am an Atheist.

But, being Atheist does not mean that I'm smart or that i am a smart-ass that goes around saying:

"oh i believe in science! religion is stupid"(ok, sometimes we do....among ourselves...)

I'm Atheist because my parents did not enforce religion on me when i was young. I was given the freewill to choose what i want to believe in.

My Parents had their own religion and beliefs and they practiced in rituals commonly practiced by the local Chinese community. My Dad always made a clear distinction between Tradition and religion. He talked to me about the Mayan calendar, origin of the human race, evolution and even the possibility of ancient aliens ( haha i know right...) , when i was very young; even as a very pious buddhist himself.

Because I was not forced to believe in any religion or any belief systems, I made rational thoughts and Choose to see a godless world.

That was when i was 7.

Every few years in my childhood, I would think about it and review by non-belief in god, until when i was about 15. During my teenage years, from 15 - 17, i turned to religion. Incidently, it was the worst point of my life. I was perpetually broke, doing badly in school, had low self esteem and really needed to blame someone for all my failures. I blamed god. I asked god to help me. I prayed. nothing happened. A few years later,at 18 years old, I reviewed my faith once more. I decided that I can't blame anyone for my mediocre life. I cannot depend on anyone else. The only person that is responsible for me , is me. not my friends, not my relatives, not my teacher, bosses, government and especially not god. If i wanted something, I'll have go get it myslef. If that is not possible, I create chances and opportunities that would somehow allow me to get what I want someday.

I don't Pray for something to happen.

I made them happen.

Of course, I was Agnostic for awhile, fueled by all the nice books i read and cool movies i watched, I was hoping for something magical to happen, and really wanted to believe that the supernatural exist. I wanted to find reasons; reasons to WHY I exist, a meaning to my life. And soon enough , I realized that i was searching for the wrong answer. There need not be a reason to why we exist. Human Beings just feel too High and Mighty to accept the fact that our existence can happen for no reason at all. Things can happen for no reason, you do not need a reason for everything. But in our desire for self-worth, we choose a creator in our image, much necessary a big strong male image, to create value to our very much meaningless and insipid lives. Many said that Atheism is the religion of the youth,a time when you feel invincible; death is not near therefore you are not scared of what the afterlife is about. But, when you become old, the fear of leaving this planet sets in and you find religion to comfort you, reassure you that everything is going to be alright. If you dig that, good for you. But I don't see the point in wasting time, instead of worrying so much about the afterlife and the supernatural, why not spend more time paying attention to the world around you? 

Live in the NOW.

 I am Christopher Ang ( strangely enough, my name means "Christ bearer")

 I am Atheist.

 I am not Vegan, Not a Scientist nor a Philosopher, not a hero, not a philanthropist, not a human rights/ animal rights fighter. I'm not a smart "know-it-all", not a Genius and most definitely not a saint.

I am just a normal Human Being that's responsible for my own actions and morals

one more

Ah, I'm back to the blog where no one reads. Awesome!

I've been doing well lately. Better. Or that's what I want myself to believe. However I'm always thinking that I'm not doing well enough.

S's boyfriend, WK, of the same age as me, just bought a Mercedes C63AMG and what am I doing with my life? I have no property to my name. I'm not a millionaire yet. The plan was next year. I have  1 more year to go and I have only made like a tenth of what I aimed for.

I lost a potentially $100k budget job recently. I don't know if it's my negligence or is it my fault. Is it because I can't pull it off?  The market is big here but yet it's small. It's so hard to make money.
Maybe I should buy a car to comfort myself. Idk. That would be a rather stupid choice. Being poorer while making people think you are richer. .

Well that's not an issue. Is it? Money can't buy happiness can't it?


A's still not talking to me. I'm still pretty sore about losing her friendship. It's like a part of me is missing. On top of that, I've lost Julius completely. I feel incomplete without them, but I guess it's time to move on. They are holding me back from my goals and my happiness. I should hang out with people that appreciates my time, as I have so little of it. It's really got nothing to do with time management. I believe I manage my time quite decently, I'm less late now. Used to be horrible with time.

A's not really holding me back, but rather ,I appreciated the time spent with her, it is not everyday you meet someone that you can share jokes with and they understand everything. It's not everyday that you can find someone who is frank with you and pick out flaws that you have that other and yourself cannot see. I am a better person now.

Happy birthday AW. You might not see this. (I really fucking hope you don't)
But have a good one. I'll probably text you, probably not. But yeah. Here's to friendship.

2013

Hmmm. I should be working.

instead, here i am, reviving a dead blog that no one reads.
good.

Its 2 days after my birthday , and i must say it was quite shitty. not that I care about birthdays, but it would be nice to have someone.

for the none of you that have been following my blog, these 3 years have passed fast.

well, for one thing, the last time I posted something here, I had a father.
in between then and now I had 2 girlfriends. both remarkable and amazing women, but well, didnt work out.

business have grown, yes. I exactly where I wanted to be and working for more, but oh well , that reminds me, I should be working.

Idk how many times ive said this, but ive met a girl. she rejected me.
I cant tell , I cant read her. but there something special about her. most people will look at her and say
 "dude, you like her cos' she's pretty" , well, true that. But that not what it is.
 Most pretty girls are quite daft imho, and lack personality, possibly because they grew up not needing any personality at all , as they can get to wherever they want with how they look.

but not her.

she has spunk, a fascinating character, intelligence, wit and amazes me everyday.

well It was obvious i kinda fell for her, but not the reason behind why I broke up with my ex.
along the way, something happen and our friendship seem to go down the drain.

I'm broken. I cant read her, I can't tell. I cant help but think too much.

 deng shemo?

does it mean anything at all?

I should get back to work.

Chris Ang's Resume

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Chris Ang's Resume

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Media Industries 2 

Self Assestment

For This Seminar project, I've chosen to join the group that caters to the events industry. Having Previous experience in the Music and events industry and my interest to join the events industry in the future, this group proves to be the ideal group for me to work with. 

Contribution and collaboration

From the start I went around to discuss with school mates and previous group mates from Media Industries 1, my interest in the events sector and thus forming a dynamic group. Clare O'donnell was elected the executive producer for the group as she was the most proactive and vocal among the members, I went ahead and took on the role of Technical Director due to my previous experience in events management and also due to the fact that i own and run an events company back in singapore that deals with a lot of technical support relating to events. During the planning phase, I contributed to Ideas of organizing the main event itself, from the marketing, advertising and promotion of the seminar to the operations of the seminar itself. I also gave advice to other group members, especially clare, on how to manage and run an event and briefed the members on their roles and responsibilities of the event itself. The group was very dynamic to work with and my ideas were taken very positively and no disputes were present during all our meetings. 

One of my main responsibilities was to organize the equipment needed for the event itself, I came up with a list and ran through it with the Techs to work out equipment that is available for loan. I brought down my own equipment to reenforce the setup. 

I also aided Clair Renehan in the audio recording of the seminar, helping her setup the recording devices and wiring the entire setup on the day itself. 

I setup, sound-checked, mixed and coordinated all technical aspects relating to live sound , visuals , lights and sound recording on the day itself. 

I also Prepared the visual cues and designed all the slides that was shown on the seminar day itself as well as did the video playbacks of showreels. 

The lighting cues (stage and audience) were also coordinated by me.

The main issue for our group was the short time of 2weeks that we had to prepare the seminar. I believed my experience in events management helped eliminate all problems relating to the operations and I am happy that my group trusted this all on me. 

Proactive Learning

I've learnt a lot during the short process of organizing this seminar. Back in my company in singapore, I had the luxury and comfort of using state-of-the-art equipment for live shows and events. Most of the time I would have ample time for the planning and coordination of an event. In this case, a limited inventory of equipment was available from the tech store and i had to use what i have , access the situation and make the best out of it to produce a show with as much professionalism as we can achieve. In the process, I learnt to work with speed and accuracy, and learnt valuable communication skills with my group mates that allowed us to produce this seminar in such a short time. What we've learnt from this experience extends way beyond the four walls of the classroom as we have to get in though with industry professionals and apply our PR skills. Much my learning in this process was self motivated and unsupervised and had to take a lot of responsibility in delivering the work to my fellow group mates. A lot of good advice was given to us by out tutors but it was up to us to take the advice and transform it into reality.

Participation

During the planning stage, I participated in all the meetings and classes. I was there during the seminar itself to run the event. However I was not physically present during the postproduction as I was not needed to be physically present and my group mates involved in the post production was fully trustable to come up with a good job. I did give comments and inputs for the post production work and offered my assistance to any technical issues but it all was smooth sailing. During the meetings, I believe i contributed a fair amount and did engage thoroughly throughout the meetings. even though I was an international student and have limited contacts in melbourne, I contributed by contacting 2 of my contacts, Louis Chan from Fling Entertainment & Daniela Djuric from BigBang&Fuzz to attend the seminar. regretfully both of them were unable to attend due to commitments on the seminar days itself. I am glad that my effort was appreciated by my group mates. 

Lists of responsibilities:

-Organizing and booking of equipment with the Techs

-Setting up/ tearing down of All sound Equipment

-Mixing and running the sound during seminar

-Coordinating Lightings

-Visual cues

-Creation of Visual slides

-Music playback

-coordinating of event

-Recording of sound

-involvement in Planning and facilitating

-general operations

Connections & Intersections

The value of these seminar series lies in 3 things, The opportunity of meeting industry professionals, The opportunity to work with group mates that are potential industry partners int he future and the learning opportunity when placed with such tasks and responsibility. 

When in this process, I discovered the importance of People skills. One can be really good at what he/she does, but if no one wants to work with him/her, the chances of success are relatively low. Interactions within the group is very important as it is important to leave a good impression of good working attitude and strong sense of responsibility to your group mate as you might never know who you will be working with in the future. Networking is upmost important in this industry and also in almost any industry, it's people whom you want to impress and it's people tha will give you the opportunities you want in life. 

In this process i learnt that I have the confidence to manage things. I like to work with flair and failure is not an option. I learnt that I can work under pressure when i am confident and when i am not confident about something, I make sure I end up know enough to be efficient enough. In the future, I believe that this trait I have is important for development in career.

If I am confident in what i do, People tend to trust me more. And when someone trust me, I get that job.

Self Assessment Grade : 90% HD.

I give myself this grade because I believe I not only did my part as a Technical Director, I went beyond my responsibilities to ensure a smooth sailing seminar. 

and also in the words of Clare , "we couldn't have done it without you"

PS:I hope i didn't sound too over the top like trying to sell myself as a product.

Media Industries 2 , Seminar Critique.

Seminar #2 - Melbourne Hub.

Firstly I must say that our own group did set a bench mark for other groups to follow, we're very proud of that and had indeed worked hard for it. 

The Publicity material for this group is quite good. It enticed me to actually turn up and the facebook group was quite informative. As I am interested in events management and music festivals, the guest speaker from  Future Entertainment attracted me alot and i feel that what he had to say was very relevant to my interests. There is a very nice spread across the media industry, in terms of choice of guests invited: TV, Events and Digital media. Thumbs up for that one!

Upon approaching the Seminar room, We were greeted by an assortment of refreshments and sweets for us to eat during the seminar. There was even a Channel 9 Pen for everyone to write with! that was very thoughtful of the group and also helped channel 9 to do a little bit of product placement. 

The flow of the Seminar went pretty well, with the guest each coming up individually to introduce themselves and showcase their work and after that sit down together for a panel discussion about the different industries. I must say that all the guests speak with upmost relevancy to the topic of the seminar and the MC was very professional in asking questions. It was an enjoyable seminar and very informative. 

How ever, The Sound setup was rather sloppy , with messy wires crossing the stage. The Tech provided   Dynamic microphones together with small table top mic-stands which caused a distant between the speaker and the mic resulting in a bad pickup. there were a number of feedback sounds during the seminar but it did not really compromise with the clarity of the dialogues. 

All and all i gave this seminar a Distinction, for the appropriate guests and relevant topics and the professional MC. 

Seminar #5 - Indie Online

The Indie Online group have the nicest Poster ever. It suits the theme too, the drawing being very "indie" looking. It definitely caught my attention and interest to attend!

This group too, has a Facebook event Page that is Linked to the main "Media Industries Seminars" page.  I feel that the area that this group explored into is very important and interesting. Alot of Us choose Media studies because we want to get out of the 9-5 job routine. Alot of us want to be different and want to create our own things. whats better than starting an independent lable or production company and be self-employed. This seminar really caters to the budding entrepreneurs that are within our cohort, and the Panel is impressive too!

I am upmost impressed by the group's ability to interview Zack Klein or Vimeo, although it's only a recorded webcam interview, it's an honor to listen to what he has to say in our context. it is very informative to listen to what this successful entrepreneur has got to say for us.

The Seminar itself was pretty smooth flowing. with the panel engaged in a light hearted , yet informative conversation about the happenings in the independent media industry. Lots of tips and tricks to starting a business were given and it is really inspiring to learn that we can be our own bosses and creat our own content someday!

Once again the sound was not fantastic, but i can see ample effort put in to keep the quality of the seminar up. This Group deserves a High Distinction for the smoothness of the seminar and the excellent choice of Speakers and the nice publicity pior to the seminar.

Seminar #6 - Film & TV

Firstly I must say that the Poster is very eye catching an loud. The fancy colours and bold words gives an impression that the seminar will be fun and interesting to attend. This group also made use of social media to promote their seminar on top of just using posters and word of mouth. Facebook was once a gain proven to be the best medium for advertising, much of their seminar details could be found on their event site, which i was politely asked to attend. Although I'm most likely not looking into joining The film and TV industry when i graduate, i was enticed to attend this seminar to broaden my horizons. 

One of the reasons why i choose to attend is the impressive guest list of filmmakers and directors. The International guest, Jeremiah Oh, a director from singapore that was interviewed via a recorded webcast is one of my personal friends! The out look of the seminar itself was good. The refreshments were good and ample. Light music was played prior to the commencement of the seminar helps lighten the mood a little. 

However, when the seminar proper started, it was not as excellent as i thought it would be. The MC was inefficient and the guests seem to ramble on on insignificant topics. we can;t blame the guests as it's up to the group to brief the guests on what the seminar was about and it;s the MC's job to steer the guests back to the main topic of discussion. I wouldn't say they did a bad job, but i can see some room for improvement. The sound was bad though. most of the time I could not really make out what some of the softer speakers were saying and the feedback situation was quite bad. but all in all, they manage to pull it off and nothing seriously bad happened. However the lights in the room were too dim and it was impossible to take down notes during the seminar. 

I would give this group a Distinction, despite the setbacks. I can see effort being put in the pre-seminar activities and the effort to keep the seminar as interesting as it can be. 

PP2 Self assessment :Sonic profile, Sonic Exploration.

Throughout the course of PP2, I've definitely Learnt alot.
Some of these things I've learnt are academic and some of them are life skills and some stuff i didn't even expect I would learn!

I started out with confidence, thinking and knowing that I can kope with any situation with regards to Audio. Though my diploma trained me in Studio and recording sound, I worked in the Live sound field mostly; seldom touching the process of studio sound.
But, I was confident.
over confident.

Confidence can be a good thing, but when you fail to perform to your own expectations, it can be devastating.
I hate to blame it on equipment but i got no choice but to blame the zoom H2 and the dynamic mic i was issued. well, the fault was entirely mine as i could have put in more effort in booking out equipment that i'm more comfortable with, but instead, i was relaxed with the equipment as i was confident of my skills to use any equipment to record good sound. the one thing i've learnt is to not be over confident.
I should step back abit, take my time to access the situation and tighten loose ends.

My strengths are that I can produce content fast. solve problems fast.
but sometimes in that speed, i create more problems to solve.
Thats the characteristics of live sound engineers, to fix problems within a short period of time and to create a good show at face value, whereas a studio engineer's job is to nick pick at the very fine details to produce the finest job.

Lucky for me I realized it in time for sonic exploration. I believe I grew in the process of learning , to produce content that has a deeper meaning than just technical work.

After all the emotions and trail and error, I manage to produce a piece that had good reception from the class and Robbie. Taking in the advice of everyone and applying it to my work,  I believe that my work has touched the essence of this course.

This project means alot to me. Not only do i want to get a good grade and pass all the criteria of this project, I'm using this as a platform of self exploration and as a learning journey. I want to produce something that i can keep. something that is different from my other work. and this has motivated me to an extend.

Looking at fellow student's work, they all impressed me to a certain degree, how they put in ideas and methods that i would never think of in a million years. How they could grasp the intricacies of sound editing in such a short period. I am inspired to learn more and explore more.

Right now I'm still at the process of fine tuning the Sonic Exploration piece, and together with michelle and her unrestricted methods of doing things, I believe I've achieved what i've set out for. The goal of this piece is within sight and i'm proud of what i've done.

I would give myself a 8/10 for this course work. a HD.  judging from the effort i've put in and the emotions i've gone through and the feedback i've had from fellow students. Most importantly, from what i've learnt. A good project means nothing if i don't learn anything out of it.

thank you!